i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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