You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize