I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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