you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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