his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
