some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
