I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize