my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
