Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
