I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
