you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
