she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Couch. On fire.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
