I feel like abortions should bother me more
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
