When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
