hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
