i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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