omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
