Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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