we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
