I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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