I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
