I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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