So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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