I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
