he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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