So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize