too bad you live with your parents still
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
