it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If I had your ass I would rule the world
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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