I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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