dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
