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• (989): View more from Michigan

  News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?

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• (562): View more from California

  He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome

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• (661): View more from California

  Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  Atta girl.

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• (236): View more from

  At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.

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