Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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