Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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