Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
