Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize