my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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