i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
