Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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