He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
