I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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