just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize