i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
