3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize