Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
