no, he came in my armpit
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
