some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
