I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
