Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
