saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
