i barfeds in our rink
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
