btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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