Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
