Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
