for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
