I cannot find my penis.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize