I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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