I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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