i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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