I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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