Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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