Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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