Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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