you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
