Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Maybe he injected his testicle?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
