we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
