I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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