You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That accounts for only three of the penises
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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