I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
