Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
