Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
