I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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