He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
