I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
