I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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