I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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